What Do I Do Now?

Here it is, almost a full year after my last post. I have an interesting relationship with my blog. I love posting, but then I forget about it. Life gets in the way. I am finishing up the Spring quarter at Edmonds Community College. Melissa is set to graduate with her AA on the 17th of this month!! I could not be more proud of my wife. I do love that she is accomplishing so much, and in light of such a public accomplishment, I want to take a moment to state what may be less obvious to those who know our family. Of all that Melissa has done thus far, I think amongst her greatest achievements is being the power behind this family. She has done, and still does, so much for me and our 4 children. There are days (and they are often) where I pose the question to myself "Where would you be were it not for your wife?", then I shudder at the thought.

I consider while I am posting just what I should post. Often it changes a couple of times and I end up deleting what I have written and start over. This post is simple for me though. I want to say a couple things about repentance. One of my favorite scriptures is in Ether 12:27. It talks about how Heavenly Father gives us weaknesses (all of us) in order that we might become humble, and in doing so we would turn to Him and He would turn the weaknesses into strengths. If we are all given weaknesses, then we are all in need of repentance at one point or another. The reason I state this is because I wish to demystify the shame that runs rampant in ones heart and mind when the thought of repentance is proposed. The need for repentance suggests the presence of sin (to a greater or lesser degree) and thus the natural inclination is to separate ourselves emotionally, spiritually and mentally from the discussion. I found a quote that I want to share, and I think it is special.

Elder Russell M. Nelson states: The doctrine of repentance is much broader than a dictionary's definition. When Jesus said "repent", His disciples recorded that command in the Greek language with the verb matanoeo. This powerful word has great significance. In this word, the prefix meta means "change." The suffix relates to four important Greek terms: nous, meaning "the mind"; gnosis, meaning "knowledge"; pneuma, meaning "spirit"; and pnoe, meaning "breath." Thus, when Jesus said "repent", He asked us to change- to change our mind, knowledge, and spirit- even our breath.

I have been born and raised in the church, and can say with certainty that I have heard the principle of repentance spoken of over the pulpit and in many a classroom. As I read this statement I was struck with the most profound of thoughts. To change, to change everything about me, I could understand the supposition clearer that I ever had, but how do I do it?

Do not allow shame, guilt, or fear to drive you away from doing the one thing that is most important above all, repent. I am not calling anyone to repentance. I just see it in a different light, from a different perspective. Maybe some of you already see it this way. For me it is new. The adversary is adept at shaming us into "hiding", compelling us to not approach the Savior. If it is true that we were all given weaknesses, if it is true that we all have to battle over the natural man, and if it true that we are all in need of the sacred power of the Atonement, then we are all the same. If I have felt these feelings in regards to repentance, then there is a strong possibility that you have as well.

There are two types of shame, toxic shame and regular shame. Regular shame is good, it tells us that what we are doing/thinking/feeling is wrong, and that we need to correct, sooner rather than later. Toxic shame tells us that we are bad, that what we have done can never be repaired or repented for. It tells us we have no hope, and there is no use in fighting "what we really are." One type of shame comes from Heaven, another from the Adversary. One is bad, and one is good. Get rid of the bad. Consider this, if you really are as "bad" as you think you are, then that must mean God created you that way. I would argue that to propose such a supposition is ludicrous. Why would a loving God create you only to have you never return to him, eternally suffering? He wouldn't, and you're not.